A history of The Phonies member by member Jack Bear: Thomas Edison was just walking down the street and suddenly he went through a fission portal. Don't tell anyone but he went into the future and put on a hat and joined The Phonies. It's a big secret because everybody in the past is wondering where thomas edison went and if they find out that he was secretly jack bear in the future they would be pissed. Will Kettner: in a last resort surgery to get his heart re-started after a freak dracula attack, will kettner was successfully fused with a lion. In his prime, the lion was a mean son of a bitch to say the least--and trust me i dare not say more because children might happen on this page at any time. This lion hearted gun slinging magician robot became the one and only guitarist to ever play in The Phonies. Dan Lipshutz: It was dark, it was stormy, it was the day that Dan Lipshutz emerged from the depths of hell to corrupt the realm of living mortals with iron-fisted machete wielding madness. One time he blew something up and it was really crazy you probably heard about it already so i needn't go into details. And at some point he decided to grace the earth with the beautiful voice of a thousand fallen angels. Andy Silverman: Once a country boy, always a country boy. Until, that is, your blood is poisoned with un-killable super-anthrax turbo edition 2. Things certainly looked bad for little Andy, he was on the verge of death, then he died. However, by some miraculous miracle of miracles, the big man upstairs allowed him a second chance. "on one condition" said the big man upstairs, "i am granting you my power of bass playing insanity... you must join The Phonies... you must rock."