Milksop:Unsung

While on sabbatical in the east Congo, vegan linguist Gary Velush, came upon a quiet village of mute amputees and knew at once that the Sicilian gypsy was right. During the next ten years of his life, Velush developed an intuitive and delicate method of cracking the amputee's inability to speak: he would scream at them with exaggerated diphthongs in a falsetto German accent and they would respond quite favorably. His breakthrough subject, Dan "The" Carrano, while still stunted by his small, stubby limbs, quickly mastered his flaccid tongue and began to express his frustrations and lamentations lyrically, accompanied by the only instrument that his stumpy arms could maneuver, the mandolin. He busked on the outskirts of town but got mostly wet, charred cigarette butts and used prophylactics thrown at him. Until one day, a disgruntled Mormon missionary deserter, TJ 'Action' Jackson, heard Carrano's poetic wailings and inappropriate laughter, and wondered if his own manic musicalities could somehow festoon with his, and in doing so the two energies would transcend into a higher dimension that could ultimately subvert the forthcoming onslaught of Mellon Heads set to enslave all of Earth's Mormons and amputees. But like most of Action Jackson's hairbrain-schemes, he was so very, very wrong. Cloaked in the guise of an obese trailer-dwelling, mustachioed mama heifer, "Blue Cheese" Paolucci, Mellon Head sympathizer and avid horse enthusiast, effortlessly conned the two troubadours into his window-less van. Gagged and blindfolded, the two awoke under a spot light in a big dark tent along with Blue Cheese and Diphthong Velush, both in their ceremonial technicolor muumuus, playing ping-pong and listening to Duran Duran. Alas, Dan fought through all the confusion, and, exercising his newfound linguistic ability, strung together a most phonetically beautiful and stunning offer in exchange for not just he and Action to not be enslaved, but for the four to band together and start the world's first East-Central African Cross-Dressing Danielle Steele Book Club (now in 3-D). Psycho-Folk band from New Haven.