I Fight Dragons

I Fight Dragons is a band with a plan.

The trouble is, it’s a secret plan, and no one has told them what it is yet.

They assume that it’s really cool and involves traveling through time and space, or possibly battling alien invaders, or at the very least that it involves some sort of big musical number at the end.

In fact, one might think of their 4 national tours, 3 CDs, and $115,000 kickstarter campaign as all being elements of preparation for the big mind-blowing musical finale that comes as the climax of the secret plan (to which they are not yet privy).

Of course, there’d be no way of knowing for sure.

Here are a few elements of the plan they have been able to definitively nail down so far:

-They are from Chicago.
-They are probably not robots (except the one guy).
-They have been doing this since 2009CE.
-They were on Atlantic Records for 3 of those years (don’t ask).
-Nintendo funded and produced a high tech music video for them that premiered on the 3DS.
-No you cannot borrow their 3DS.
-Seriously, you always borrow their stuff and you never give it back, so this time I’m just saying no.
-What do you mean, name one time? Dude, there’s tons of… you know what, fine, whatever, you can borrow it.
-They wrote and performed the theme song for ABC’s The Goldbergs
-Despite that fact, they haven’t met Hayley Orrantia and Chad’s pretty upset about it.
-They had a #1 song on KTCL, Denver’s top alternative radio station
-Yet, their label was for some reason reticent to do any sort of radio campaign for a geeky chiptune rock band.
-If you ask them, spending the big bucks bringing geeky chiptune rock to radio nationwide would totally have been a smart move financially.
-You can see why they wouldn’t be very good at running a label.
-Did we mention they raised $115,000 on kickstarter to fund their next album? Look up Project Atma.
-They did the ending credits song for the Magic: The Gathering Duels of The Planeswalkers 2014 game.
-They are DEFINITELY NOT secret agent super-spies. DEFINITELY NOT. So don’t ask.

Beyond that, they’re pretty sure the plan involves some sort of platypus (duck-billed or otherwise) and a slightly weaponized version of an omnichord. Not weaponized enough to break the skin, but definitely weaponized enough to sting, and possibly to leave a mark. Not a bad mark though, you know just like a little mark where if you push on it the skin turns white but then goes back after you take your finger away. That kind of mark.

Long story short, there is definitely a totally-not-made-up plan, I Fight Dragons has it, and now they have to go get busy executing it.

IFD Out.