The Masonics - a winning combination of Milkshakes, Pop Rivets, Wildebeests, Kaisers, film editors, Micky & Ludellas, Vectors, Headcoats, commercial artists, Kravin "A"s, Auntie Vegetables and landscape gardeners. (Not bad, seeing as there's only three of 'em.)

THE MASONICS ARE...

* MICK 'THE MILK' HAMPSHIRE: singing & 6-string guitar
* BRUCE 'BASH' BRAND: traps & backing vocals
* JOHN 'LARDY' GIBBS: bottom guitar & backing vocals
* (with thanks to former bass-jockeys: Johnny Barker, Johnny Johnson & Liam Watson)

Having attended the same secret lodge - the Omnipotent Order of Eccentric Rapscallions (OOER) - together for 25-odd years, our three heroes were united in their cause when they were elected to search the UK for a sacrificial virgin to be deflowered at the sacred Dodecacentenial Orgy (or 'DO' for short).

A 16-year search - during which Micky was mistakenly assumed to be missing, presumed unable to take the pace - yielded nothing. In short, they had no joy, neither on their home turf nor during a brief sojourn to western Europe. (Hence their anticipated presence in the Promised Land).

To lure their prey they hit on the ingenious plan of disguising themselves as a musical 'rock-group' (presently very popular among young folk we are led to believe).

Therefore, we urge all parents, siblings, friends, acquaintances and cohorts of any known (or not) unblemished no-tails, (irrespective of age, race, creed, cooking-ability etc.) to attend the soon to be announced Masonic gatherings, accompanied by same.

Your assistance in this matter is greatly appreciated.

Note: We would like to thank ourselves for allowing whippersnapper colonial upstarts The Wh*te Str*pes to close a series of performances for us in the early part of this century, during their maiden voyage to This Great Country Of Ours. (Crumbs! etc.)