The Hoppin' Boxcars

The Hoppin' Boxcars Monologue Hello boys and girls, tramps and hobos. The tale I'm about to tell is one of danger, adventure, romance, music, and friendship. It's about four hobos, their dog Mojo, and their band The Hoppin' Boxcars. Our story begins one night in Pine Bluff, Arkansas where our hobos are performin' for the town at the annual barn dance. Grizz, Reds, Blaze, and Ziggy are hobo musicians tryin' to make enough money playin' town to town so Grizz, Reds and Blaze can finally marry the Bailer Sisters, Adeline, Caroline, and Madeline, and they could all live happily ever after... Wishin' We Were Walkin' After playing their hit song "Wishin' We Were Walkin'," the boys are approached by two fans who tell them they heard another band from Kansas playin' that same song claimin' to have written it. Now I can't tell you the words that came after but our hobos were hoppin' mad— Mad enough to all agree to put off their engagement, hop the number sixteen line to Wichita, and find and confront this other band. The girls were not happy. My Only You After some convincin' and boot kissin' the boys convinced the girls they would be back and they would get married. They hopped aboard the train and headed along their way. The County Line Now for those of you who don't know, hoppin' trains is illegal and if you get caught, you're subject to prison and a hefty fine. But, our hobos were well versed in hoppin' boxcars and knew when and how to hop a train. The Rail Man and his bulls were always on guard checking the trains for hobos and well, our boys were pretty slick and The Rail Man never was the wiser. His story is legendary along the rail. The Rail Man After a small meal of beans and rabbit, our hobos were settlin' in for their first night on the rail. They were playin' songs and tellin' stories around a small pan fire when Mojo started growlin' at a sneeze coming from behind some crates on the boxcar. Out jumped a boy yellin', "Stick 'em up!" Our hobos with not even a flinch invited the kid to join them by the fire and assured him they meant him no harm. Grizz asked the kid, "Where you from, boy?" and he answered Kalamazoo. The Kid From Kalamazoo After a long night of songs and stories, the kid and our hobos find themselves at a check point just over the Mississippi. They decide to hop off the train and spend the day resting at Ziggy's brother's camp. His name was Juggy and he never spoke; he could only whistle. Now being Ziggy's brother made sense cause Ziggy was mute and could only speak through his harmonica. It seems the boys and Mojo were the only ones who ever understood what either of them was sayin'. With a name like Juggy, you can best believe that he made the strongest Moonshine this side of the Mississippi and, well, they had to have themselves a little taste... I Got Shine Now by this time our hobos are cozy warm and drunk and all included in attendance were passed out by the fire and dreaming of the triplets, a hot meal and a bed, or in Mojo's case, a nice big bone and Ziggy's front porch. But like a cow hoppin' over the moon, dreams and imagination make for one hell of a story... Hoppin' Over The Moon A little worse for wear, our hobos wake up to one less in their party. Seems the kid snuck off and left a note sayin' he was going home to his momma and he hoped to see the band again one day. The hobos hop back on the train and finish their nap as they head along their way, but Grizz can't sleep as he watches over his brothers. He drifts off to a place by the beach as he stares out of the boxcar door and imagines they are headed toward the ocean... Seaside Hobo As the sun rises, Grizz is woke to the smell of bacon and coffee and the sound of Ziggy and Mojo fightin' over the last piece. Needless to say, Mojo wins and everyone decides to stop off and visit ma and pa bein's they were so close to High Point, North Carolina. It had been some time since the boys were back on the farm and they thought a hard day's work for pa would be rewarded by a nice home cooked meal from ma. Rest Done Do Sayin' bye to the family, our hobos make their way back on the rail. While waitin' for the train, the hobos feel the sun beatin' down and start to get thirsty. Seems Reds had finished the last of the shine they got from Jug and they were plum dried out. This reminded Blaze of a story he heard from a hobo down the line and to kill some time and get the others minds off of bein' thirsty, he started Circlin' Round the Water Hole... Circlin' Round The Water Hole As the train pulled into the station, the boys hopped on the boxcar and headed to Wichita. Arrivin' in town, they start searching for the band that had stole their song. From the road, they heard it comin' from an old saloon called the Brass Rail. Bustin' in, Grizz is surprised to see and hear that the band is pretty good and at least not doin' a bad job. He yells for them to stop. The saloon clears out and the two bands are now standin' toe to toe. The band is a five piece and outnumber our hobos. The fight breaks out and the bands begin wreckin' the entire saloon until one member from the other band yells for everyone to time out. Figurin' out what happened and why, he explains to the hobos that they were given the song and a recording contract by A nRthr Moneygrab, a slim sneaky man with a curly mustache and a green suit. Hearin' this, Grizz suddenly remembers bein' approached by the same person in Arkansas about wantin' to buy the song. Grizz, not being one to negotiate, didn't like the bottom line and didn't sign. He now realized who was to blame and recalls their run-in with A nRthur Moneygrab... A nRthur Moneygrab After realizin' the band's innocence in the matter, they decide to join forces and link up against the evil A nR. Now becomin' a nine piece band, they all become friends. Meanwhile, A nR is gettin' away and formin' a plan to get revenge on The Hoppin' Boxcars by headin' back to Arkansas. He's fixin' to kidnap the triplets and tie them to the rails the boys would be headin' back on. In the meantime, our hobos are singin' and drinkin' shine tryin' to figure out how to catch him. Walkin' in Your Shadow That evening a starvin' Mojo and Ziggy see a crew unloadin' food supplies from a boxcar. Now these two always follow their nose and it sometimes gets them into trouble. They feast and fall asleep on the train. Meanwhile Grizz, tryin' to figure out what to do when they catch A nR, recalls the story of Wishbone Willy... and you all know why they called him Wishbone... right? Wishbone Willy That night A nR hijacks the first train out unaware of his passengers, and heads back to Arkansas to hatch his evil plan to kidnap the triplets, tie them to the rails, and watch as our heroes ride the next train into town and unavoidably and unknowingly run down their brides to be.. Wakin' up in a hurry, our heroes can't find Mojo or Ziggy. They get a wire from town that An R has gotten the jump on them and they scramble to rush back to save the girls. Border Lights Mojo and Ziggy are awake and sittin' on the train covered in sardine cans and jerky wrappers. They stumble out of the boxcar not knowin' where they are but only to see A nR tyin' the triplets to the tracks and the rest of the band headin' into town about to run them down. Mojo runs interference while Ziggy unties the girls and The Evil A nRthur Moneygrab gets away. The band pulls into town and everyone celebrates and dances to The Boxcar Shuffle... The Boxcar Shuffle So, that's the story of The Hoppin' Boxcars. Until we meet again, bye ya'll. Click It Tee Clack