Blinding Eye Dog

Ten years ago, The Vatican Library's Forbidden Text vault: Elite members of the Catholic Church are gathered. "This is it", exlaims a research-minded Cardinal, excitedly waving several pages around in the air. "The missing pages", he continues. "THE missing pages," questions another Cardinal. The first Cardinal answers his inquisitive colleague, "Yes, THE missing pages." The first Cardinal opens a dusty old book - the front of it has worn text, but looks as though it might say, "NECRONOMICON". The Cardinal flips through it, finding a section with a torn page. He carefully places each found page exactly where they fit best. When the pages are placed correctly, they reattach themselves to the book with no evidence of previous tears - it's as if they have magically healed themselves. The book glows a faint blue and begins to hum quietly. He drops the book, startedly, and yells at a man standing near the back to the room, "Now we have it. We can read the prophecy! Get Brother Judiah down here immediately, he is one of the few scholars we have that can read this long-dead language better than I can!" The man runs off and grabs Jediah from upstairs, and they both quickly hurry back to the basement vault. Jediah looks in awe of the book, then picks it up carefully, and begins reading it aloud. He explains that the missing pages tell of a great apocalyptic prophecy, a great horror that is to come, and those that will fight to stop it. The names of these beings are, even for Brother Jediah, hardly translatable to modern English or Latin. "The closest thing we have to this group of heroes would be `Blinding Eye Dog`", Brother Jediah states. Speaking the name allowed seals his fate - the book lights up brighter, and a burst of energy fills the room, turning all living things to ash. The book hovers in mid air and shakes for several seconds after this, then drops to the floor. When it hits, it closes, but quickly reopens itself to the previous pages. Energy pours from the book, upwards, and a portal forms above it. Demons of all types emerge from the portal, and quickly run off into the Vatican proper, some escaping onto Italian soil, even. Priests, Bishops, and Cardinals of all types are sent after these foul creatures. Many succeed in their missions, some never make it back. Those that do make it are scarred both physically and mentally - they will never be the same. One priest, Reverend Von Horrorsin was tasked with tracking a particularly nasty demon, the Demonic entity known as Elvistopheles, who appears as a luchador. The Reverend tracked Elvistopheles across the lands of Europe, and to the United States, finally tracking him down near Baltimore. Using all that he had learned in his years as priest, RVH tried his best to send the demon back to hell. He chanted and chanted, but was distracted by the demon's tight, latex-clad buttocks. Elvistopheles seized this opportunity and charmed the enthralled priest with free beer and chili-cheese dogs. The good reverend could not resist, his soul now belonging to the demon. Modern day: A young scientist hard at work in his lab. Sparks fly everywhere with the hum of electricity. A man, short in stature, but big in mind, kicks the machine. "No, no, no! This won't do. It's not supposed to work like that! What the hell has gone wrong now?" The doorbell rings, and the man goes to answer it. "Dr. Pervert West? I'm agent Mulder from the FBI." The man is taken aback. "I thought you were just on tv...?" "We're going to need your help with something. Something big", the agent says. The two men leave and get into the agent's car, and drive off. Some time later, the car arrives at a facility outside of Baltimore. They enter, and inside is The President of the United States. "Dr. West, do you know anything about the prophecy of The Blinding Eye Dog?", the President asks. "I have vague knowledge of it", Dr. West answers. "Well, Dr. West, we're going to need you as part of the team." Dr. West is then taken through two big doors and into a lab. In the lab are two men, strapped to lab gurneys. "We need these men - well, people - on our side." Dr. West begins at once trying to figure out ways to brainwash these men, and eventually comes up with a good formula, injecting them both with a flourescent green goop. The look of glee on his face is unaparalleled as just injects them in their buttocks. They waited hours and hours for the results. The President was getting restless. "Dr. West, how long will this take?" It was then that Dr. West noticed it - the President's skin was shimmering, almost like a fish or a lizard's scales. He retrieved his ray gun from under his lab coat and fired, melting "The President" into a puddle of goop. "I hate lizard people", Dr. West exclaimed. He then went to check on agent Mulder and the two experiments. Unfortunately, his experiment didn't go quite right. While he did manage to put some sort of mind-control on them, it only caused them to want to drink beer and play punk music. The three decided to ditch the lame ass FBI base and form a band, but wait, they were short one member... ...so they played with other people on and off until one night, they were playing at Club K It was a dark and stormy night, and The Goatman entered the bar and started murdering the crowd with his axe. Uniting their powers, the band was able to subdue the Goatman. Dr. Pervert West was able to use SCIENCE! to keep the Goatman under control. He was enslaved and forced to play in the band. While playing in the band, they took up fighting crime and drinking beer in their off time, eventually becoming known as BALTIMORE'S DRUNKEST SUPERHEROES. The saga continues.... Baltimore's Drunkest Superheroes